cryowick: (aaa A.D.)
cryowick ([personal profile] cryowick) wrote2024-10-12 05:47 am

diary #11

 SEEMS to be minimal damage, but i only looked at the outside cameras. im thinking about casing the house later today & dragging someone with me.
my bpm seems to be a bit confused today. or at least i with it. fell into gaming habit early today but im hoping for recovery. after i do my essay, ill see about playing this pressure game on roblox.
i feel like im burning up. probably just allergies but yknow my anxieties gotta make me worry.
ive been realising things ive already known about myself/my surroundings but repressed. i guess it is fitting that i have my old friends again willing to be in contact with me. i hate being a bird in a cage.
...i guess i do age regress. not in the romanticized or sexualized fashion, but in a legit disabling way. i feel like an injured feral dog huddling in the corner. i dont know who i am in those moments. and it hurts so badly to disassociate in that way.
once in a lifetime gives me great nostalgia for the early-ish web.
my emotions are particularly unstable today. i cant live like this, but im not sure another way of living anymore. im trapped but im picking at the hinges ignoring the lock.
one thin branch snapped off & theres a bit of a mess but its not that bad.