diary #7

apparently most people cant lie and do something at the same time.
i talked with my mom for a couple hours and honestly it made me dizzy
wayy too long man. im going to rest, shower, then open pokemon cards. thinking about doing the password book if i dont do homework or my laptop.
i really really want to scroll and im trying not to give in. horrid.
did something i shouldnt have today.
unable to find meaning in what im doing today.
had a panic attack that got up to 97 bpm according to my fitbit. then dove right back to 65bpm like nothing happened. ive been super brain foggy today, damn my anxiety & amnesia barriers. tbh i can feel another one coming on. im stressed about moving, friends and homework & it all feels like its crashing down on me. at some point ill reach out to my mom-im not mentioning the friends part. shes not great with friends. no one in this damn family is.
also i tried doing a screentime report and apparently i have 55 hrs on youtube this week. no wonder im burnt out on yt if im doing this constantly.
... i need to disconnect (on my terms) from the internet & from sorting. just for a small bit. im not sure what ill do about the homework situation but taking a step back to clear my head and reassess my priorities and habits is more important.
...yeah thats gonna be what i do tomorrow. take some paper to a pencil yknow full manual for a bit